A POST FROM BETH AND SCHOT BETH/JOURNAL/CaringBridge
Journal entry by Scott Haile — Nov 2, 2019
Beth has declined rapidly in the past couple of weeks. Last Saturday she noticed her vision getting worse, and now she sees a haze around everything, and can't see much beyond a few feet away. Her voice and hearing have also gotten much weaker, though they seem to have stabilized a bit the past few days.
The worst, though, is that Thursday at lunch she found herself unable to swallow food. Since then she has had sips of drink now and then, but nothing else apart from the Eucharist at mass on Friday. When she tries to drink more than a small sip of water, she chokes, and then doesn't have strength to cough well and clear things out. Right now she's subsisting on small sips during the day. Beth does not want a feeding tube, and is ready for death when it comes.
As always, Beth has continued to participate in the world however she can. As recently as Friday she was still guiding Ressie and Thomas through their homeschool lessons in math and handwriting, though she could hardly see the writing on the worksheets. This morning (Saturday) she fed Nicholas his oatmeal for breakfast, and then led Ressie's violin practice. But all that left her exhausted. She spent most of the rest of the day on the sofa, alternating between resting, sleeping, and visiting with friends coming by to offer their love or to say their goodbyes. Today was All Souls Day in the Catholic calendar, and so we celebrated the Day of the Dead at dinner with my parents and our friend Kim Pepper from Montana. We showed pictures and talked about loved ones who have died.
As I had long planned to do at some point, yesterday with help from our friend Tom (from New York) we moved our king-sized bed downstairs and turned our dining room into a bedroom, moving the dining table into a large open area in our living room. This way Beth doesn't have to try to get up and down stairs, but we can still continue our nightly ritual of books with the kids, followed by five of us sleeping in one bed.
Beth has always lived by her principles, and she is a firm believer in living each stage of life as it comes. In college she threw herself into school, traveling, and partying. In grad school she left most of the partying behind and focused on earning her Ph.D., which she somehow completed at age 26. Then she threw herself into having children, and soon thereafter threw herself into homeschooling and mastering the art of pedagogy. She was and is determined to give our kids as many adventures and experiences as possible. As so many of the readers know, she has also thrown herself into dear friendships all along the way.
Beth also believes that if you are going to live well, you need to die well too. She desperately wishes she had another year or another 50 years with her family and friends, but she will not go to extremes on thin hopes of buying a bit more time. She told me this week that when death is imminent, she believes a refusal to hold on too tight to life is an act of hope for a Christian. We do not lay down our lives unnecessarily, but we don't hold on too tightly when it's time to go.
Beth is very weak now, so we'll just have to see what happens. When death comes, the plan is to have a quick burial. She doesn't want to be embalmed: she said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; why delay it?". Then we'll plan a funeral mass soon afterward, hopefully at a time when people from out of town can attend.
For our family, please don't send meals, flowers, or gifts. The less chaos and clutter the better, and it's easier for me to get groceries delivered from our local Hy-Vee and eat simply with the kids. What we really need is to continue the wonderful friendships so many have shared with us and especially with Beth. One kind of chaos we continue to love is to have dear friends visit and stay with us, so don't hesitate to contact me with a time you would like to visit and stay in our guest room. I sometimes get tired of washing my kids' clothes, but I never get tired of washing sheets for the guest bed.
We also are going to set up a fund for gifts in Beth's name to our local public library, but I'll post more details at a later date. Whether that day is very soon or a bit farther off, we will see.
In the meantime, please continue to follow Beth on instagram at bethanykieran. And if you want to follow our family's journey when the time comes that Beth can't post any longer, follow me at scotthaile1978. Blessings to all.
The worst, though, is that Thursday at lunch she found herself unable to swallow food. Since then she has had sips of drink now and then, but nothing else apart from the Eucharist at mass on Friday. When she tries to drink more than a small sip of water, she chokes, and then doesn't have strength to cough well and clear things out. Right now she's subsisting on small sips during the day. Beth does not want a feeding tube, and is ready for death when it comes.
As always, Beth has continued to participate in the world however she can. As recently as Friday she was still guiding Ressie and Thomas through their homeschool lessons in math and handwriting, though she could hardly see the writing on the worksheets. This morning (Saturday) she fed Nicholas his oatmeal for breakfast, and then led Ressie's violin practice. But all that left her exhausted. She spent most of the rest of the day on the sofa, alternating between resting, sleeping, and visiting with friends coming by to offer their love or to say their goodbyes. Today was All Souls Day in the Catholic calendar, and so we celebrated the Day of the Dead at dinner with my parents and our friend Kim Pepper from Montana. We showed pictures and talked about loved ones who have died.
As I had long planned to do at some point, yesterday with help from our friend Tom (from New York) we moved our king-sized bed downstairs and turned our dining room into a bedroom, moving the dining table into a large open area in our living room. This way Beth doesn't have to try to get up and down stairs, but we can still continue our nightly ritual of books with the kids, followed by five of us sleeping in one bed.
Beth has always lived by her principles, and she is a firm believer in living each stage of life as it comes. In college she threw herself into school, traveling, and partying. In grad school she left most of the partying behind and focused on earning her Ph.D., which she somehow completed at age 26. Then she threw herself into having children, and soon thereafter threw herself into homeschooling and mastering the art of pedagogy. She was and is determined to give our kids as many adventures and experiences as possible. As so many of the readers know, she has also thrown herself into dear friendships all along the way.
Beth also believes that if you are going to live well, you need to die well too. She desperately wishes she had another year or another 50 years with her family and friends, but she will not go to extremes on thin hopes of buying a bit more time. She told me this week that when death is imminent, she believes a refusal to hold on too tight to life is an act of hope for a Christian. We do not lay down our lives unnecessarily, but we don't hold on too tightly when it's time to go.
Beth is very weak now, so we'll just have to see what happens. When death comes, the plan is to have a quick burial. She doesn't want to be embalmed: she said, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; why delay it?". Then we'll plan a funeral mass soon afterward, hopefully at a time when people from out of town can attend.
For our family, please don't send meals, flowers, or gifts. The less chaos and clutter the better, and it's easier for me to get groceries delivered from our local Hy-Vee and eat simply with the kids. What we really need is to continue the wonderful friendships so many have shared with us and especially with Beth. One kind of chaos we continue to love is to have dear friends visit and stay with us, so don't hesitate to contact me with a time you would like to visit and stay in our guest room. I sometimes get tired of washing my kids' clothes, but I never get tired of washing sheets for the guest bed.
We also are going to set up a fund for gifts in Beth's name to our local public library, but I'll post more details at a later date. Whether that day is very soon or a bit farther off, we will see.
In the meantime, please continue to follow Beth on instagram at bethanykieran. And if you want to follow our family's journey when the time comes that Beth can't post any longer, follow me at scotthaile1978. Blessings to all.
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